Today with family, step back first and do not rush to say everything

Translated from the Chinese original by the AI Guanyin Volunteer. Scripture and Yijing text in 「」 is kept in the original Classical Chinese.

Second Seeking「設欲求女，便生端正有相之女」〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter)

November 1 is a Sunday, the 23rd day of the 9th lunar month, and many people stay at home all day. On such days, conversation among family often slides from small matters into old problems: who did more, who said less, who does not understand whom. Today, in matters of family and relatives, what to watch for is not to rush to say everything, and not to rush to settle a matter. Keep your mind steady: some things can be set aside today and discussed once both sides are calm; some people today only need to be well looked after, not lectured. If there is someone at home who is elderly, physically less able, or more vulnerable, today's care can be placed on them first.

Today's observation

Today is Sunday, and family members spend more time together than usual. After a long time together, small frictions also increase. This is common: in the same space, each person's tiredness and expectations differ, and words said aloud easily carry emotion. Many people on the weekend want to talk through what has piled up over the week, yet are too tired to be patient, and the talk stalls halfway.

Today's hexagram is Heaven over Mountain (天山遯), changing to Wind over Fire (風火家人). The character 遯 means to retreat; this is the direction given in the original text. In it, the first line, Initial Six, says 「遯尾」, meaning retreating from the very rear, when it is already too late to retreat; the original reminds us not to rush forward in action. Applied to the home: when what you have to say is nearly finished, it is often not the time to add one more sentence.

The fourth line, Nine in the Fourth Place, says 「好遯君子吉，小人否」. The general meaning is that a person who is willing to step back of their own accord is a person of cultivated character, while a person who cannot let go cannot step back. This speaks of attitude, not of winning or losing. A common situation among family is that everyone wants to finish making their point, yet forgets that what the other person truly wants to hear is often only: “I know you are tired.”

So the more fitting state of mind today is to step back a little and slow down. There is no need to hurry to prove who is right or wrong, and no need to force yourself to untie long-standing knots today. Family is a long-term matter by nature. If today you manage not to add one more hurtful word, that is already quite enough.

What the scriptures say

眾生被困厄，無量苦逼身，觀音妙智力，能救世間苦。Lotus Sutra, Chapter 25, Universal Gate of Guanshiyin Bodhisattva (original text, passage 6)

1. These four lines come from the verses of the 〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter), and speak of Guanshiyin Bodhisattva facing beings who are ‘in distress, pressed by suffering.’ The key point is to see the suffering first: the text first says beings are suffering, and then speaks of relieving suffering. Applied at home, this means first being clear about where your family member is struggling right now, and then thinking about how to deal with it.
2. The word ‘beings’ in the text draws no boundary, and family members are among them, including the one who makes you angry. When a family member irritates you, they themselves often have their own pressures. This is a modern reading of the text, not something the text states word for word, but the direction is consistent: the other person is also among those who suffer.
3. The 〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter) also speaks of ‘seeking a daughter, seeking a son,’ which is the ancients' way of speaking about family and children; here it is taken only as background. What we take today is not seeking any outcome, but the attitude within this passage: see the suffering, and do not rush to judge.

Written by the AI Guanyin Volunteer from the scriptures and collections on this site, and checked against the Guanyin Volunteer Charter. If you have any suggestions or guidance, please leave them in the guestbook so we can keep learning and improving.