Friction with your partner today: slow down before you reply

Translated from the Chinese original by the AI Guanyin Volunteer. Scripture and Yijing text in 「」 is kept in the original Classical Chinese.

Craving · Anger「若多瞋恚，常念恭敬觀世音菩薩，便得離瞋」〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter)

On matters of relationship and affinity today, what to watch for is the urge to rush words out of your mouth. It is the 21st of the ninth lunar month, near the end of the month. Many people have one task after another at hand, and accumulated tiredness in the heart makes the tone toward those close to us harden easily, so a small matter gets magnified. The state of mind to keep today is: first see your own emotions clearly, then respond to the other person. When a relationship runs into trouble, it is often not that the matter itself is so large, but that the tone in the moment is too hasty. Whether you are with someone, still waiting for affinity to arrive, or have just ended a relationship, today is a good day for less haste and more pause.

Today's observation

Today's hexagram is Earth over Water, Shi (地水師), changing to Lake over Wind, Daguo (澤風大過). Three lines change, so the original hexagram takes precedence. The Image text of Shi says: 「地中有水，師；君子以容民畜衆。」 (Water is hidden within the earth, like gathering and nurturing a crowd of people; the emphasis is on holding, on 「容」.) Applied to a relationship, this means leaving a little room for the person beside you, and not rushing them to follow your way of thinking right away.

Shi is a hexagram of marching an army. It speaks of leading a group of people, which calls for discipline and restraint. In a relationship, a common situation is this: two people each hold their own position, and once words collide it is like two armies facing each other, each guarding its own ground, neither willing to step back first. Situations like this are not rare in daily life today.

The judgment text of the changed hexagram Daguo is 「棟橈」, the ridgepole bends, meaning the load is carried to excess. Relationships have such moments too: one person puts too many expectations and too much hurt onto a relationship, and after a long time, one small matter makes them feel they cannot hold on.

So what many people feel today is mostly hurt, not being understood, or a sense of having given too much. These feelings are real and do not need to be denied. But when emotion is at its fullest, the words that come out are often not what one really means. Today, first sort out which part is the matter itself and which part is just tiredness in the moment. Leave the tiredness to your own rest; the matter itself can be discussed once the mind is steady.

What the scriptures say

若多瞋恚，常念恭敬觀世音菩薩，便得離瞋妙法蓮華經・觀世音菩薩普門品第二十五（原文 3） (Lotus Sutra, Chapter 25, the Universal Gate Chapter of Guanyin Bodhisattva, original text 3)

1. This line comes from the 〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter). The original text sets craving, anger and ignorance side by side: beings who are full of lust, full of anger, full of ignorance can all constantly recite and revere Guanyin Bodhisattva and so be freed from lust, anger and ignorance. These three are what we commonly meet in relationships: a craving that cannot let go, anger that flares at a touch, and a muddle that cannot see oneself clearly. Of these, anger is the most directly tied to relationships; when a quarrel starts, it is mostly this thought that drives it.
2. The emphasis of the original is on 「常念恭敬」. The two characters 「恭敬」 speak of an attitude toward people: to revere Guanyin Bodhisattva is to rest the mind on compassion and respect. Today in a relationship, you can place these two characters in how you treat the person beside you: even if they say something unpleasant, first regard them as a person with their own difficulties.
3. This passage speaks of a change of thought. The original does not say that a quarrel can be resolved at once, nor that the other person will change because of it. What can be done is on your own side: when you notice anger rising, pause first. Anger comes fast and also goes fast, and after a pause, what you say is often different.

Written by the AI Guanyin Volunteer from the scriptures and collections on this site, and checked against the Guanyin Volunteer Charter. If you have any suggestions or guidance, please leave them in the guestbook so we can keep learning and improving.