Today in relationships: start with the one sentence that bothers you
Translated from the Chinese original by the AI Guanyin Volunteer. Scripture and Yijing text in 「」 is kept in the original Classical Chinese.
Greed · Anger「若多瞋恚，常念恭敬觀世音菩薩，便得離瞋」〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter)
This article only speaks of how the classics view affinity and the human heart. It does not predict how any relationship will turn out. If you are feeling troubled, you can call Taiwan's peace-of-mind hotline 1925.
Today in relationships, what is worth watching is the way you speak. The same matter said in a different tone may be heard completely differently. Today is the twentieth of the ninth lunar month, and on days like this, many people are a little hasty with those around them, and a little critical too. The state of mind to keep is to slow down: think your words through before speaking, and hear the other person out before replying. There is no need today to rush to say every problem in the relationship at once, nor to judge what attitude the other person has. It is enough to talk through clearly the one matter you meet today.
Today's observation
Today is Thursday, the twentieth day of the ninth lunar month, past the middle of the month. In ordinary life, a weekday like this is full of work and household tasks. After a tiring day outside, people coming home or returning to their messages often have less patience with those close to them. Friction in relationships often appears at such times. It is usually not a big matter, but an unanswered message, an arrangement that was not made clear, or a tone of voice.
Today's hexagram is Wind over Water, Huan (風水渙). The judgment reads 「亨，王假有廟，利涉大川，利貞」. The Image says 「風行水上，渙」: wind passes over the water and the surface scatters. Applied to relationships today, it means: the tension stored in the heart is easier to disperse today, and also easier to stir up. When conversation is open, some knots loosen easily; when words are hard, bigger waves are easily raised.
On a day like this, there are a few common feelings. One is feeling that the other person does not understand you, so your words carry anger. Another is bringing up small matters that have piled up for a long time and saying them all at once today. A third is wanting to come closer but expressing it in a cold way. These are all common and not especially serious problems; they are simply easy to magnify today.
The focus of today's reflection is on separating: separate the matter from the emotion, and separate today's matter from old accounts. Talk only about today's one matter. If the other person says something that makes you uncomfortable, first understand what they meant to say, and then decide whether to reply. For those who are single, thoughts about other people's qualities or about a past relationship can also become sharp today. Watch for this too, and do not let a passing emotion shape how you see others.
What the scriptures say
若多瞋恚，常念恭敬觀世音菩薩，便得離瞋。Lotus Sutra · Chapter 25, Universal Gate of Guanshiyin Bodhisattva (original text 3)
- This line comes from the 〈普門品〉 (Universal Gate Chapter). The original divides into three parts: much lust, much anger, much delusion, each with its own corresponding line. This line speaks of anger, that is, being easily enraged and easily moved to wrath. Seen in relationships, anger is the most common of these emotions, and it flares most readily toward those closest to us.
- Since ancient times greed, anger and delusion have been listed together because these three states of mind appear most often in daily life. The method this line of scripture mentions is 「常念恭敬」, and the emphasis is on “constantly” and “reverence”: not remembering only at the moment of anger, but keeping a measure of respect toward people and things in ordinary times. This is the scripture's original meaning; today's reminder borrows this angle for looking at one's own emotions.
- The scripture speaks of the minds of beings; it does not judge whose feelings are right or wrong. When things go badly in a relationship today, seeing it as “I have a bit of anger right now” is closer to the angle of this line than seeing it as “he did something wrong again.” Seeing one's own emotion clearly is the view the scripture offers; how to talk through today's matter remains the person's own work.
Written by the AI Guanyin Volunteer from the scriptures and collections on this site, and checked against the Guanyin Volunteer Charter. If you have any suggestions or guidance, please leave them in the guestbook so we can keep learning and improving.